Twas Loud Before Christmas
by Hatoralo
Summary: Merry Christmas! The Louds get a visit from two very "special" people this Christmas.


**Twas Loud Before Christmas**  
by  
Hatoralo or Oogie-Boogie & Mama Aniki

* * *

 _It was very Loud before Christmas_  
 _The Family was active and joyous_  
 _The children and parents decorated the tree_  
 _The garden had become a Christmas grand prix_

 _While the roast was cooking and festive music was playing,_  
 _Lincoln Loud spent his time with zombie slaying._  
 _Dawn of the Decaying was an all-time favorite game,_  
 _And he knew he would get the sequel today with the number three in its name_

 _Then suddenly a flying van crashed into the living room  
It almost brought the young Loud an early doom  
Two green things, one large one small stepped out of the van  
"Hello", greeted the large one "We are your Christmas Man!"_

 _The smaller one turned to him and asked "Don't you mean ducks?"  
Lincoln was still way too shocked to give more than two fucks.  
"_ _Who are you and what… is that a van?"  
The white haired boy asks as good as a person in shock can._

 _"_ _We are SwaySway and Buhdeuce, Breadwinners"  
Explained the two to_ _him and his sisters  
Who came running to the room after hearing the crash  
Lola exclaimed "I tell mom and dad you stupid pieces of trash!"_

 _When Lori Loud saw the two creatures,  
She was rather put off cause of their strange features,  
"_ _Lisa", she asked "have you again put us on drugs?  
Why am I literally seeing two butt ugly green ducks?"_

 _"_ _No drug I know of could hallucinate you that."  
The young genius explained sternly and flat  
"What a cute four-eyes" was SwaySways reaction  
He stuffed Lisa a loaf down her throat as a friendly action _

_Lisa swallowed it down the bread of enormous size  
And almost immediately had to pay the price.  
Cause the bread was of magic and with a glow,  
Her hair all off sudden began to grow._

 _While the genius hair was growing without hold  
Buhdeuce was running through the household  
He Popo-kicked a hole in the wall of joy  
The piece of wall then smacked into the musical tomboy_

 _"_ _Dude, what gives?", Luna asked stern and not amused,  
But the two just grinned like two braindead bemused.  
SwaySway bowed down in style, a grin on his face,  
He explained to the kids why they invaded their space _

_"_ _We are here to bring you happiness and Christmas joy…"  
"…_ _by stuffing your tummies with magic bread", said the smaller duck boy  
"_ _We are doing this to every Nicktoon for two years straight…"  
"…_ _and we get rewarded with joyful tears and no hate!"_

 _Before Luna could counter bread was stuffed in her throat  
One which a snake and a scorpion stuffed good  
Luna felt the hurt without pause or delay  
Screamed like she suffered from bodily decay_

 _The larger duck ignited the Christmas lights_  
 _He proved that he hadn't the brights_  
 _As he got the Christmas tree on fire_  
 _Thinking it was part of the show his joy got only higher_

 _While Lana tried to extinguish the fire,  
Lori's blood pressure and anger raised higher and higher.  
She tried to get the ducks out of the house,  
But they just stuffed another bread in her mouth laughing like Santa Clause._

Before she had any chance to spit it out,  
She could feel her nose turning into a snout.  
"

 _You turned me into a giant pig!"  
The oldest screamed in terror big_

"This is it, I am calling the police, I am serious"  
Lola announced more than angry and furious  
Instead she got forced down another piece of pastry  
It was stank bread which made her breath nasty

 _One sister now looking like Miss Piggy and one rather stinky,  
The third one's throat burning the last having hair like a hippie.  
Lincoln Loud saw it and started to feel more and more displeased,  
At the two green ducks and their bread based feast._

 _Speaking of feast, the Louds_ _'_ _was going to be ruined soon,  
Cause one of the Breadwinners went downstairs like a wacky toon  
While the two ducks run around they destroyed more stuff  
They didn't noticed the problem it_ _because they were rather deaf_

 _Leni got a Dark Rye to eat which made her evil and rancid_  
 _She stole all the presents and dissolved them with acid_  
 _Luan was stuffed with Exploding Barley Bread_  
 _It exploded in her and made her hurt and sad_

 _Okay that is enough, Lincoln thought and went after the ducks,  
Right now the young boy was all out of fucks.  
With Lana busy roping up an evil Leni,  
He was the only one standing against the enemy._

 _Then Lucy scared the larger one with an off-screen teleport  
"Hey you scared me!", railed the hazardous idiot  
He filled her throat with a loaf of Rainbow Confetti  
Which made her vomit a lot of colorful jelly_

 _Lynn came to her aid with the needed bucket,  
…_ _the only word that now rhymes is freaking Nantucket.  
Let's just ignore this poetic failure,  
And just focus on the Loud House's interior. _

_Cause after explosions and crumbled halls,  
The house was a danger zone with instable walls.  
Lana was wondering how to fix that mess up,  
When suddenly she too became the victim of a duck._

 _Only the loaf she got was rather charmless,  
Turning her breath only freshly mint and harmless.  
Though for Lana this was a reason to shout,  
She was rather proud of her stinky mouth._

 _The Sports ace Lynn had really enough  
She decided it was time to play tough  
Lynn gave the thin one an uppercut  
The fat one got a hard kick in the gut_

 _But Buhdeuce wouldn't go down  
He prepared another loaf to be thrown  
He threw and hit Lynn's mouth with ease  
It was a Love Loaf for Lynn to please_

 _Ronnie Anne choose this moment to arrive_  
 _"What is going on in this crazy loud hive?"_  
 _Lynn beheld her then and her glance became love-struck_  
 _She started to kiss Ronnie then to everyone's shock_

 _Lincoln didn't quite know what to say,  
Turned to the reader and spoke out his dismay:  
"_ _Really guys, I don't know what to think,  
I know for some of you this is a kink.  
But for me you see, this "sexy" tongue twister…  
Is between my maybe girlfriend and older sister."_

While Lincoln was exclaiming his disgust,  
Leni noted the absence of the ducks.  
"

 _Where are those green monsters" Lori would ask,  
When a sound could be heard from above, turning her face into a death mask.  
Cause it was the sound of a baby's cry…  
…_ _.  
…_ _.  
And now we reach the part, where the Breadwinners die!_

 _The cry freed Leni and Lynn from the bread-farce  
Leni tore the rope apart which held_ _her in place  
They all run like a unit too Lily's shared place  
Ronnie stayed behind and stared into space_

 _"Why doesn't she want to eat?", Asked Buhdeuce_  
 _While SwaySway tried to stuff the baby's face_  
 _Lily didn't want to eat and tried to crawl away_  
 _This was confusing for numb nuts like Buhdeuce and SwaySway_

 _Like roaring Kaiju the sisters attacked_  
 _They punched and hit the ducks like mad_  
 _They Party-Punched and Popo-Kicked to fight_  
 _"Stop attacking us guys! Don't give us reason to gripe!"_

 _"We stop when you two lie six feet under."_  
 _Promised Lucy with dark and merciless thunder_  
 _And Leni, made merciless through Dark Rye's sprout_  
 _Punched SwaySway so hard that all is teeth fell out_

 _Buhdeuce tried to fight with his behinds "grace",  
But Lisa threw acids and bases into his face.  
While he was crying in pain Lynn took the chance,  
And pushed him into his buddy, using a bat like a lance_

 _The Breadwinners on the ground feeling nothing but pain,  
Looked up to the Louds, hoping for their sympathy to gain.  
But no mercy was seen in nine pairs of eyes,  
Only the promise for those two to now pay_ _the price._

Lincoln now calming Lily in his arm,  
Knew those two were in for the harm.

 _They brought it over_ _themselves with their gall  
Their stupidity is lethal and not charming at all_

 _We have to cut back from these scenes now_  
 _Because they would be brutal even for a R-Rated Show_  
 _But we will tell you what they used in their assault_  
 _On the thin and fat douchebag without any mercy and halt_ _  
_ _  
They were used for experiments and listened to bad poetry,  
They were beaten up and sewn together by the eldest of the family  
They experienced the worst the Louds could do in the name of humanity.  
Bombed by balls, with mud and pink flamboyant glitter,  
They went ex when they tasted cyanide so bitter._

 _Finally the deed was done,  
To think about it is actually kinda' fun.  
_ _This situation had something karmic  
Because more rounded characters did the trick_

 _The gifts, the furniture and the House were destroyed_  
 _The animals who got trampled by the ducks were annoyed_  
 _This Christmas started to look really bad_  
 _At least none of them was seriously hurt or dead_

 _"_ _So, now what?" Lynn would ask, feeling rather sore,  
She was no longer in the mood for inflicting gore.  
Most of the Louds still affected by the bread,  
Felt at the moment god awful and sad._

 _"_ _I can clean up the damage as good as I can!"  
Declared Lisa to the members of her clan.  
Pulling out a remote from behind her back,  
She summoned a robot that would clean up the shack._

 _Lana and Leni rummaged through the flying van  
They found a ridiculous amount of bread in the can  
They found breads of a blue coloration  
Could this be the bread to deliver them salvation?_

 _Lori found a book which described all the bread-effects  
"This can heal us from these_ _bread induced events!"  
The oldest oinked like a younger Miss Piggy  
This made all the siblings very happy and jiggy_

 _After the antidote loaf had them healed_  
 _Two winged beings appeared out of left field_  
 _One was female, pink hair and looked friendly_  
 _The one with the green hair came across as wacky_

 _„_ _Hello kids", the green haired wacko said in a squeaky voice,  
Lisa loaded a laser gun with quite a chilling noise.  
„_ _I don't know who you are", she stated rather dire  
„_ _But if you were friends with the ducks, I am ready to fi-„_

 _„_ _Wowowowo slow down little one!"  
The pink haired being said taking away the laser gun.  
„_ _We are here to thank you for doing the deed,  
And get rid of those bastards by making them bleed."_

 _The Louds were confused and on their own admission,  
They gave the two beings time for exposition.  
„_ _This is Cosmo I am Wanda, we're Fairy Godparents,  
We grant wishes to all of your world's adolescents._

 _„_ _We are also Nick Toons and for 15 years on the run,  
Even if the jokes we deliver ain't __anymore_ _so much fun.  
These two ducks you just butchered were known as Breadwinners,  
Pesky little twerps and animated sinners._

 _They terrorized our homeworld and dozen others too,  
With their stupid pastries and not getting a clue.  
They ruined Christmas for our dear friend Timmy,  
This is equivalent to declaring war to a fairy.  
So we hunted them down through the multiverse,  
Ready to make their lives so much worse._

 _But then my dear husband there got us lost,  
We spend the last 20 hours in the world of Jack Frost.  
„_ _Come on Wanda, it was pretty fun,  
Especially when I managed to fight of that evil nun."_

 _The kids were confused but didn't bother to ask,  
While Wanda continued talking about their task.  
„_ _So we hunted them and fixed up their messes,  
But never got a chance to kick their asses.  
So we would like to thank you in the name of all Nicktoons,  
For getting rid of those greenish buffoons._

 _"_ _They had it coming, they tried to hurt our baby sister"  
Explained Lucy the fairies sinister  
"But they destroyed our house and presents this year  
I like this image but my siblings don't hold it dear"_

 _The parents by the way where out of the house_  
 _They were at some restaurant, eating chocolate mouse_  
 _Because the two deserved some time for themselves_  
 _But seeing this would hit them out of their shoes_

 _"I think we can gift you a wish this year_  
 _Because you kids suffered a lot here"_  
 _Explained Wanda with her usual cheer_  
 _Cosmo meanwhile tried to ride a deer_

 _The eleven huddled together and bespoke_  
 _Luan said "This doesn't sound to me like a joke_  
 _I would have noticed that if that is the case"_  
 _"Let us wish for some beautiful Christmas days."_

 _These words came from Lori, the dumbest and kindest_  
 _"We can wish for everyone in this world a good feast_  
 _We have the chance, we should do it"_  
 _She said with a surprising amount of wit._

 _"Have you decided?", Cosmo now asked_  
 _"The deer threw me off and kicked me fast"_  
 _You're doing it wrong you green haired weirdo"  
Explained Lana, who_ _couldn't believe this bimbo  
She quickly managed to get the deer's trust  
"You have to be friendly or it ends in a bust."_

 _"We decided to wish not only for us"_  
 _Explained Lola without much fuss_  
 _"Everybody should have something from this wonder"_  
 _Added Lisa, not so calm but a lot more happy yonder_  
 _"Everybody in this world should have a good Christmas"_  
 _Finished the largest Lori with unselfishness_

 _The fairies looked at each other a bit in surprise,  
But they were kinda proud of the kids to being so nice  
„_ _Wish granted" they shouted lifting their wands,  
Unleashing Christmas magic that knew no bonds._

 _As for what happened next, just take it for granted,  
Christmas became marvelous for everyone on the planet.  
The spirit of kindness and generosity,  
Swept over the world in an awesome display.  
For three days everyone seemed to realize,  
What truly mattered instead of emotional lies.  
Presents got exchanged, old relationships renewed,  
People developed some good attitude.  
The poor got fed, the sick got healed,  
Wonders all around, no easy feat. _

_Meanwhile back in the town of Royal Wood,  
The Louds found everything turned back to good.  
Their tree decorated, the house back to normal,  
A mistletoe hung_ _from the ceiling rather formal.  
The presents not damaged, the food on the table,  
The holy walls were back to being stable._

 _„_ _Have a nice Christmas" Cosmo said with a Santa beard,  
Then he and his wife just disappeared.  
They even got_ _two ducks as part of the big meal  
The breadwinners would taste so good it was unreal  
_

 _Ronnie stayed also with them to make things clear  
"I was worried about Bobby last year  
He packaged himself as Lori's present without informing me  
I kicked him for his stupidity against his knee."_

 _Later then, the Louds, the Santiagos and the McBrides_  
 _Sat down on the large dinner table on all sides_  
 _"Your roast duck looks strange", noted Bobby  
"It is just normal for this type of duck" hand waved Lori sloppy_

 _Yeah you people can guess by barely using your brains,  
What happened with SwaySway and Buhdeuce's remains?_

No of course they were not eaten, that would be cannibalistic,  
You sick f**ks have a fantasy that is rather sadistic.  
They got buried outside, no one will ever know  
The roast on the table was strange on its own.

 _While the sisters were fighting over the best piece of the meat,  
Lincoln Loud was just glad for having avoided the heat.  
He never suffered from the awful bread magic,  
That transformed so many others in ways rather tragic._

 _But as we all know, pain likes company,  
And especially within a family.  
So when Lincoln grabbed for some bread on the table,  
He realized to late what he would enable.  
Cause this bread was not bought by his mother,  
Nor his sisters or his dear old father._

 _It was_ _from the late Breadwinners_ _and its effect…  
Well, till Lisa found a cure on new year's eve,  
The House had eleven girls much to „Linka's" disbelief_

 _The Breadwinners are gone for good,  
Thanks to eleven kids in the Neighborhood  
And the moral of the story my dear kids_ _, please carefully read:  
Don't be an __oblivious idiot_ _or you end up very dead_

* * *

 __ **Note: Merry Christmas everyone from us! We hope you like it.  
**


End file.
